If you would like to leave a long, rambling message with no apparent point, please hang up now.
If you are calling to verify that your e-mail has been received, please go outside and do five laps around the block.
If you would like to leave five numbers and the different hours of the day you might be reached at those numbers, please quit your job, begin taking daily Bikram yoga classes and move to Santa Fe.
If you are Alec Baldwin, please hang up and call your attorney.
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